$10 Handjobs

Stacy Burke and I were sitting on the teal couch in Mike Raffone's studio waiting for the third model to show up for our shoot. Stacy grabbed the remote and switched on the TV. The four broads from The View were just beginning their exchange of repartee. One of the largest of the quartet was wearing a plunging neckline that displayed her immense rack. I commented to Stacy that her wardrobe selection was a bit strange for someone who hosts a show geared towards the housewives of the United States. For some reason my words aroused Stacy's ire.

"Since when did you become so judgmental? You wear tight shirts and low-cut blouses all the time." she said.

"I'm not judgmental. She should wear whatever she wants to wear. I like seeing big boobs but I've noticed that most women, particularly housewives, do not." I tried to explain, surprised that she had misconstrued my remark in that way.

"You're as bad as all the women who stare at us and make nasty comments when we're out in public wearing sexy clothes." she retorted.

"I wasn't making a nasty comment." I protested with exasperation. "Her blatant show of cleavage just struck me as odd since her target audience is a bunch of housewife-types who, in my experience, often seem to disparage the showing of flesh. I applaud her giant rack, but I doubt her 40-year-old viewers in the suburbs of Oklahoma feel the same way."

"How do you know that only housewives watch this show?" Stacy shot back. "You and I are sitting here watching this show and we're not housewives."

"We're watching this show because you picked it. I'm not the dumbass who commandeered the remote control and chose to sit in on some middle-aged coffee-klatsch session!" I said angrily. "Is this what you put on your TV at home when you're not working? Maybe it's time for you to hang up your G-string and go join the Junior League."

Stacy regarded me in silence for a few moments. Then with surprising speed she grabbed me by the throat, pointed an admonishing finger in my face, and hissed:

"You know, someday in the future I'll probably adapt very nicely to the suburban lifestyle. You, on the other hand, will be clinging desperately to your youth until one day you find yourself working a truckstop in Barstow. I'll be involved in family activities while you are trying to eke out a living by providing $10 handjobs in the front cabs of big rigs."

At some point in our argument Mike Raffone must have crept into the room and started snapping photos. He captured our brutal, naked catfight for posterity and you can see it all at my archive site www.JackOffLand.com.

Someday -years from now- I'll trot out those photos when Stacy is attending a PTA fundraiser or hobnobbing with her female neighbors in suburbia..


- XXOO Tanya








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